Guest Blogger: Sarah Smylie
Sarah is a “stay-at-home” mom with three daughters. While she wrote this post, they likely pulled all of the feathers out of her pillows and threw them on top of the honey they’d spread all over the entryway. Read more of Sarah here.
Do they plan these things ahead of time, after I put them to bed? Do they lay there in the dark plotting and scheming how they can use household items in ways that I could never wildly dream or predict? And why do they always look so surprised at my reaction when I find them standing in the middle of an evidence-spattered living room?
I slept in a little past 8:30. Girls had been downstairs for an hour by themselves. What I saw was a little like a murder scene. There were rice krispies littering the floor. All over. From the kitchen table to the living room wall. There were empty mini cereal boxes. I counted four. I saw Ruby’s pajama pants and a discarded diaper. A toasted waffle lying broken in two pieces on the carpet. There was red marker on the ottoman and a few letters written on the carpet near the back door. My entire magnetic grocery list pad of paper (that used to be on the fridge) had the letter “y” written on each page and they were spread throughout the room. There were two cups of milk lying on their side, lifeless. Ruby was mostly naked and running places. Grace looked like she had done something very wrong.
I stormed over to the couch. And then I saw them. In the middle of a pile of markers, to the left of some paper, next to a pair of scissors, were three substantially thick locks of brown hair. Ruby’s hair.
“What HAPPENED???????!!!”
“I layded down on the couch, and den Grace CUDDED my HAIR!!” (with an inflection toward the end that implied the whole experience was very exhilarating for the both of them).
And Rebecca wants another one.







12 comments
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January 9, 2009 at 7:27 am
Louise Plummer
Look at them! I want a matching pair. They’re creative geniuses.
January 9, 2009 at 9:57 am
lisapiorczynski
At least it wasn’t pinking shears. Or the day before the school photo. My brother’s 1st grade picture ROCKS.
January 9, 2009 at 10:02 am
Micah E.
It’s pretty much not fair that kids can cut each other’s hair and still look darn cute, but I have to pay 20 bucks + tip for a haircut and deal with people looking at my head and saying “Oh.” for a week.
January 9, 2009 at 10:18 am
lisapiorczynski
Micah, be grateful you’re not a woman. Or a woman living in New York. 20 bucks covers the tip.
January 9, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Zina
She’s only grounded from scissors for a *week*? Not for life? And what about markers and cereal and milk and paper?
Those girls are definitely going places in life.
January 9, 2009 at 1:30 pm
bfwebster
I sent the link to this story to my “Link o’ the day” mailing list with the following introduction:
=================
Occasionally I have people ask me if Sandra and I had a hard time adjusting to being ‘empty-nesters’.
I always tell them, “No, not at all.”
=================
God bless (and preserve) parents of young children everywhere. ..bruce..
January 9, 2009 at 3:16 pm
sarahlolson
Tiffany (who sometimes comments on this blog) once told me that she decided not to clean up one day. Just to let her kids do their thing and then, at the end of the day, she went to bed (before her husband got home). (Tiff, am I totally misremembering this story?) When he got home, her husband was so, so astonished. And apologetic. He just didn’t know, you know? Just didn’t know.
Sometimes we just don’t know, you know? We just don’t. I’m with Bruce: God bless young parents.
(Tiff, confirm or correct. But I do love this version of the story.)
January 9, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Missy
“The inflection at the end of her voice…”
While astoninshing (horrifying) for you (and should probably have me a little worried about my future with two little girls), that part had me laughing. It’s like I can hear Ruby saying it and I haven’t met her.
January 9, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Tiffany Lewis
Sarah–yes, yes, you tell it way better than I do. We’re pretty much in that state right now, and always. Jackson (6) took food coloring the other day and while I was busy painting the back porch, he dyed the side of our brick house in rainbow colors. All the children thought it was lovely. Husband, not so much…
January 9, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Miggy
OK, OK I know I’m totally missing the point of this WHOLE post, but I’m really happy that you sometimes sleep in until 8:30…that just makes me really, really happy and feel less like a slouch when I sleep in with the door slightly ajar while my daughter watches Maisy in the next room. And I think, wow…maybe when I have more than one kid I won’t be a total sleepless wreck. {Of course I may have to clean up after a bad episode of “kids gone wild” but hopefully, I’ll have some sleep.}
January 9, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Cheryl
I can relate! I came down after a shower one morning to a lump of blonde hair on my kitchen island. When I asked what happened, my daughter replied, “Owen wanted to cut my hair, so I let him.” Smart, very smart!
This is what I get for bragging to my friends the week before that none of my kids had cut their own hair!
BTW, get a dog and they will clean up the cereal mess – oh, but they make messes of their own… hmmm…
January 13, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Traci
I feel your pain. My son REALLY likes to invent, now if only we could find a use for his nail-taped-to-a-swiped-sprinkler-head invention we’d be set. I never thought that motherhood included finding various containers of gelatinous “magic potion” and finding yourself yelling to no one in particular “that crepe paper is for parties, you savages!”